I know your listening, but am I?

And finally.... another "lost" post... written 12/20/10...

There is no way of expressing the extent to which I have been blessed, but many blessings have been poured out upon me & my family. I cannot pretend to say that life has been easy the last six months or so, but I am starting to see where my Father in Heaven has sent angels to tend to me. There have been moments, days even, when I have felt emotional swallowed up by stress and exhaustion and grief and anger. So much so that I could not see the greatest gifts I have been given, pouring out their love for me. It's the sweetest words "I love you, mommy" and the gentle kisses, and the hugs and the snuggles, that draw me out of those moments and back to where I am needed. I find myself praying more and more for this trial to be over. For things to go back to where they were a year and a half ago. For my husband to be employed and for me to able to be the home mom I want to be. However, as I think about the things that have had to change, I find that these things are not so awful. Inconvenient yes, difficult yes, but not awful. I have been forced to learn and to teach to my children to find the blessing in our struggles. For instance, we have stopped over indulging our kids. Instead of getting a small treat or toy at nearly each store outing, we maybe get to share one thing as a special occasion and if it's on sale or with a coupon. We are learning to be grateful for the things we have and to take better care of them. We are learning the value of family time. I am learning of humility, sacrifice, preparation and planning, saving and giving, and gratitude. I see where my Heavenly Father has placed people in my life to help me, to give what they may have in excess, to love me & my family, and to reassure me of my worth and importance in my family's life.  Also, to teach me of a better or different way of doing things that may make things a bit easier. They help lift the burden I am carrying so I can focus in on what's in front of me and not get lost in what may be on the horizon.  Even with all this, in my loneliest of moments, when I am stressed and tired and therefore emotional strained, and as I pray and plead for this trial to be over, Father I know you are listening, because you have sent me help, but am I? It's now my turn to stop and listen, read and study, ponder and search, for your words are there I just need to listen with my heart, not just my ears.